Intervals

Yesterday while on the bike I was thinking about intervals.
I have been using intervals to (hopefully) make me stronger on the bike.
VO2 max intervals, LT intervals, Heater climb intervals, sprint intervals, etc.
PUSH, recover, DIG, Recover, PAIN, recover....

Physical intervals were consistent in my life. Ride/Suffer, Eat, Sleep, Work, repeat....
Singularly focused on having a better racing season that last year. Hopefully repeating some of the success I had on the bike two/three years ago.

Then in a moment.... My life is upside down.

Now my intervals are emotional.

I question everything's purpose. Does anything else really matter?
Cry/Suffer, Sleep, Work, repeat. (fortunately, I've managed to add eating back in in the last couple of days)

The pain is still there with each interval, but I question if I am really getting stronger.
Recovery between intervals has made me more guarded, wary.

I've heard it said, the hills don't get easier, you just go faster.

But where is it that I am going?

I'm on a hill I never want to crest.