Still fighting!

I've spent the whole day in tears and full of dread. Kiki had stopped eating over the last two days. Her energy declined and we began to prepare ourselves for the worst. We made an appt this morning with the Vet with the idea that we'd be ready for the worst but with a glimmer of hope, that he'd be able to give us the final say and would be honest and objective above all.

The first available with Dr Irwin was 4:30 pm so we spent the day sitting near Keeks. Petting her, brushing her, snuggling her. She's drooling quite a bit now. Eat time we offered food, she's sniff and retreat, hiding under the table or take a few licks then retreat, with her little jaw clacking. We'd take turns crying, comforting one another and talking softly to her.

When 4 pm arrived, we got in the car to head to the Vet. She fought to get out of my arms in the car (I refused to put her in the carrier) and eventually sat under Phil's seat for a bit. By the time we were in the exam room, she had no drool on her chin (all of it was all over my shirt :)
and she was kneading my arms and clinging to me.
The tech weigh her and asked us what we thought. We told him we had prepared ourselves for the worst, concerned about her suffering and not eating but wanted to see what Dr Irwin thought. He then consulted the chart and noted that she actually was 1 oz heavier than on 3/8!

Dr Irwin came in and noticed right away that her coat and eyes look good and clear. he palpated her jaw and commented that she appears to have mended the bone that was broken, infested by the cancer (he had removed most of the tumor on 3/8). He added that the tumor was only about 60% of the original size and looked pretty good.
After a shot of B12 and a strong anti inflammatory, we got some more pain meds (with advisement that we can always get more), some antibiotic and some food. Her quality of life at this time was judged to be more positive than negative, even with her food refusals over the last several days!

We left that office WITH our Kiki Boots in my arms and a renewed sense of hope. She is an amazing kitty and she's still in this fight, so we are in it with her.

Still a little worried about how we were going to get her to eat, we headed home (she rode the whole way under Phil's seat). As soon as we got home, she was doing a perimeter check. I readied the food, thinking we'd need to start out with the syringe (hopefully giving her some and me and the walls very little food) but decided to start with a plate and spoon. To my amazement and gratitude, she ate some off the spoon, then the plate, then the spoon then the floor! She ate about 1/4 of the can!
She's an amazing little girl. We feel so bad now for even thinking about giving up on her too soon!

Aloha Kiki. (Aloha means soo much more than hello! It also means affection, love, peace, compassion and mercy!!)

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ~ That was Sasha writing. I think he wanted to say how much he loves his little sister.

Intervals

Yesterday while on the bike I was thinking about intervals.
I have been using intervals to (hopefully) make me stronger on the bike.
VO2 max intervals, LT intervals, Heater climb intervals, sprint intervals, etc.
PUSH, recover, DIG, Recover, PAIN, recover....

Physical intervals were consistent in my life. Ride/Suffer, Eat, Sleep, Work, repeat....
Singularly focused on having a better racing season that last year. Hopefully repeating some of the success I had on the bike two/three years ago.

Then in a moment.... My life is upside down.

Now my intervals are emotional.

I question everything's purpose. Does anything else really matter?
Cry/Suffer, Sleep, Work, repeat. (fortunately, I've managed to add eating back in in the last couple of days)

The pain is still there with each interval, but I question if I am really getting stronger.
Recovery between intervals has made me more guarded, wary.

I've heard it said, the hills don't get easier, you just go faster.

But where is it that I am going?

I'm on a hill I never want to crest.

unbearable

Yesterday we were told our youngest kitty, Kiki, has cancer in her jaw, likely squamous cell carcinoma. It has ravaged her little jaw. The doctor did surgery to remove as much of the cancer as he could and we brought her home today, prepared to make life as comfortable as we can for what little time she has left.

So far tonight, I have snuggled, pet, brushed her. She ate some soft food, some treats and some boiled chicken. She has purred and "marched" (kneaded) and rubbed on me and Phil. She seems to be doing ok....

We just keep hoping our little genius kitty will make a miraculous recovery. I am cautiously optimistic. If any cat could do it, it would be her. She's amazing....
She's the only cat in our house to figure out the cat door to "her" room. She knows the wild ways of the outdoors (much to our disdain and once the cause of a sprained ankle for Phil). She's never met a visitor she didn't like and if you sit in a special spot on the sofa, she'd be happy to oblige you with a massage.

I wasn't able to walk through PetsMart without crying several times. Car rides are awful... quiet alone time to think about all the ways I already miss her.

I can't imagine this world without her.

Believe

I Believe...
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe…
that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.

I believe…
that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe…
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe…
that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I believe…
that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I believe…
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I believe…
that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe…
that no matter how bad your heart is broken that the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I believe…
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe…
that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I believe…
that you shouldn’t be eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe…
that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. And I haven't even reached the halfway point yet.

I believe…
that you should always leave loved ones with loving well wishes. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe…
that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I believe…
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe…
that we don’t have to change friends, if we understand that friends change.

I believe…
that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe…
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe…
that you either control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe…
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, that passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I believe…
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe…
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe…
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe…
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe…
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down, will be the ones who help you get back up.

~http://www.theinspirationtree.com

because this spoke to my heart in many ways......