Sunday, January 9, 2011
But I want it now!
I know I'm obsessive and black and white about things. When I get my mind set, I want to take off in that direction, often zooming along until I come to a screeching halt. I don't realize along the way that things are amiss. I fail to see the warning signs. Some of them are subtle. Some are glaringly blatant.
I do consider myself to be pretty self aware in general. I recognize my faults, character flaws and I am very introspective. But change is a whole different story. Patience is something I really like, but don't really have. When faced with a path, I do a little churning in the brain, some verbal processing with Phil or a friend and then BOOM, I want to take action NOW.
I am whole hearted with most of what I do. I am passionate, dedicated, but these are often to my detriment. I get caught up in unhealthy situations too easily. I fail to see those cautions signs, As the road gets more curvy, I continue with the same determination from when I started, rather than reducing my intensity to safely navigate the tricky terrain.
I wish that I could be a better judge of character. I like to think that I see the strengths of a person greater than their flaws, but the truth is, my vision is cloudy.
I want soo much for things to be different. I am aware of these challenges, flaws, but I haven't yet found the solution. I am sure when I do, I will fall head first, fast and furious into that change. I want to be better and I want it now!