HEY, WHY NOT?

Ramblings, musings and generally boring stuff. Mostly about bikes...

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Battles

“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle” ― J.M. Barrie

There is sadness in the world every moment of every day. It doesn't take much looking around to see it. Fortunately, there is also great joy, gratitude and love to fill the rest of the space. Sometimes, despite how immense it is, it's harder to find. 

It's easy to become caught up in one's own trials and tribulations, the pain caused to us, justly or unjustly. It's also all too easy to shove it aside, write it off or place blame. It's hardest to recognize the pain, the suffering, the hurt and own it. To sit with it and allow it's experience as fully as we allow joy. Even harder still, is the shift of focus, to allow one's being to be comforted by the existence of discomfort. 

This may seem vague and verbose, but I have a point. One I felt compelled enough to return to the blog, to write about something other than the occasional run, trip or bike race.  I initially returned here to be reminded of the last time I felt this particular pain. I documented a few days of the roller coaster here (and many others in a personal journal). I'd forgotten about both but remembered this sensation. I remembered the permission we allowed ourselves to feel things, think things and say things that we didn't like and didn't always want to own up to, but needed to. I remembered how hard each day was, but how comforted I was that I had another day to do this hard stuff. I provided care and love that I never knew I was capable of, but it felt like second nature to me, yet all the while fumbling to find the right way. 

I am here again, and yet I am not. Uncertain and yet certain of what we all know to be true. Life is fragile and fleeting. Struggle is part of this process. The blessing of death is that what was once imperfect is made perfect and complete again. The curse is the future ceases and everything becomes a memory. My mind is too quick to fail and memories feel too fragile and opaque. 

I find I'm on this familiar roller coaster. The joys and highs and swooping lows. I am preparing myself for the end but trying to remain present, grateful and hopeful. I'm not alone in this battle. I'm not alone in this world. I'm not alone in this hurt. If I put my troubles aside, without turning my head, I can see great battles being fought, and some lost all around me. Each one worthy of it's own time, energy, respect and full experience. 

Not knowing where the end of this battle will lie or where the next begins, I'll try to focus on one step, one moment, one breath at a time. And respect the connection we share in our troubles, the strength we gather from one another and opportunities for joy and love that each struggle may bring. 

"Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one." ~Bruce Lee

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

2014 Racing Season Has Begun - Tour of St Louis

The 2014 Racing Season has "officially" started as of Saturday 3/22 with the Tour of St. Louis.  I participated in the Centaur TT and Forest Park Crit Women's 3/4 races.

It's funny how perspective on the race, how I did, how I felt and what I could accomplish varies over the minutes, hours and days after the race is over. Here's my account, as of today....

While I knew I was getting up at the crack of dawn to do the Centaur TT, it didn't really sink in that I was "racing" until about 1 minute in to the TT. I started the morning by first focusing on getting my coffee into my body, my stuff in the car, my car to the parking lot at the start and finally my bike in the trainer. I know that I NEED a good warm up if I expect my body to respect me later. Yet somehow I got about 15 minutes of warm up.

I rolled around the parking lot with Big Ring and then headed over to the start line. Rock Solid Ron was there to hold us and that always makes me rest easier! I didn't know a few of the ladies we were lined up with and didn't know what to expect in terms of them providing "rabbit" incentive. I did know that with Big Ring starting 2 minutes behind me, I would be lucky to hold her off until the turn around.
For the first time in several years of doing the Centaur TT, I didn't start off too fast. I eased into a reasonable, yet high pace, cadence and watched my heart rate inch upward, rather than skyrocket. I was comfortable. Maybe too comfortable. At 1/4 of the way in, I realized the pace I was consistently seeing was lower than what I wanted to see. I'd push and bring up my speed, only to see that same low speed a few minutes later. I did manage to catch and pass my 1 minute lady, although it felt a little bitter sweet as I no longer had the hope of passing her to spur me on.

The turn around never seems to come soon enough. I started seeing the earlier ladies on their return and gave a few cheers where I could. I noted where I encountered Jen to do a pace check. I knew the turn around would be soon. What I did not anticipate was the awkward placement of a police car in the path of where I would have liked to turn. I was able to adjust quickly but I slowed more than I wanted. I soon saw Kate approaching the turn and knew it'd be seconds before she passed me. I also noted I was right at 2 minutes behind Jen.

I was able to pass a couple of other ladies on the return and was quickly passed by Kate. We had a pretty wicked headwind on the otherwise wonderful return route. Again, I noticed "that" number returning to my speed and tired to bring it up, but now I was fighting wind and fatigue. I pushed as much as I could at the end, passing another lady with about 1/2 a mile to go. By the time I finished, I could no longer clear the goop from my cold out of my lungs and I was wheezing significantly. I managed to finish with 35:00. Slower than last year's time by a lot but somehow good enough for 8th out of 15 or so.

Getting to the car, packed up and to the Crit was a race of it's own right. I had about 30 minutes to get it all done and had to fit a 5 minute wait for the porta-potty. One good thing about racing the crit so early-Good parking! I pulled right up to the curb outside of the last turn and set up my trainer on the sidewalk. After a quick costume change (into WARM and DRY everything), I hopped on the trainer to warm up. Jen soon joined me and thankfully encouraged me to get those few intervals in to prime the otherwise heavy legs for the work ahead. Focusing my energy on my warm up also seemed to help keep my nerves at bay. It's amazing what a good warm up can do.

With 10 minutes to our start time, Jen, Alice and I headed over to the start. We were able to take a lap of the course and quickly surmised that staying out of the wind would be goal #1.

I lined up behind Alice. I counted 21 ladies at the line (although there were 23 in the results!) Not a bad turn out! Cristel was back after taking some time away from crit races (4 years!) and this was my first time racing with Adrienne since her return to racing. There were many other strong ladies lined up, including Tara Flaig. Jen commented she'd need to stay near the front and I silently decided I should stay close to her and/or Alice.

With the start, it seemed 1/2 the field struggled to get into their pedals and I lost LOTS of places by being behind them. By the 2nd turn, when 3/4 of the field braked hard, I knew I needed to move up right away. It took another lap to get into a good spot but I knew once I was on Alice's wheel, it would be good.

Most of the race was uneventful. There were a few attacks and lots of trying to stay in a draft, out of the wind. I did some work pulling, or chasing an attack. Only once, I let an attack go without jumping, as I was tired from having pulled off from taking a pull. I quickly realized the work it took to hang on was greater than if I had just gone after that attack. I found that heart rate where things start to go fuzzy and knew I'd need to back off and rest if I wanted anything left to finish. I tucked in, rested and was ready to go by the next lap. I tried to stay out of the wind, knowing from bad positioning on one particular lap that it zapped my energy more than I could afford.

With 6 to go, Tara was suddenly getting a gap. I didn't see or hear her attack until she was away. My position wasn't too good -1/2 way back in the field (which had dwindled to about 14) and realized too late that no one was going after her. I moved to the front but didn't have the energy to try to jump and really just wanted to stay where the people were! We slowed considerably on the next several laps, obviously resting, preparing for the sprint finish. Just before the Chicane, Adrienne attacked and I found myself in a bad position. As I was catching on, two things happened. First, Adrienne sat up just before the final turn and the field swelled around her. For a second, it was like no one knew what to do. (I think we were also lapping a couple of other ladies at the time too, and that added to the confusion). Secondly, I found when I pushed hard on the pedals, the pretty little teardrop muscle over my knee (the one I would love to build up more!) decided it was DONE for the day and gave me a good squeeze in response. I relaxed as best I could and tried again. By this point, the sprint had started and when I pushed down again that little muscle said "No Ma'am!" My race was done. I watched those ladies sprint away from me with Jen taking 2nd place and Alice in 8th. I rolled in easy for 12th, just off the back of the first chase group.

Overall, I was pleased with my race. I felt good and met most of my goals. I learned things about my heart rate and recovery and listened to my body when I needed to. My biggest disappointment and greatest opportunity for growth surrounds my fueling and hydration. I believe I would not have experienced that cramping had I been able to eat something of substance in the hours before that race. I managed to eat only 1 bite of a granola/oatmeal bar before the TT, and about 2/3 of the bar on the way to the Crit. Instead of Gu or gels, I can stomach some fruit leather or fruit snacks. I only drank about 2/3 of a bottle of water.

My result reflected my poor fueling choices and doesn't really show what I accomplished. For the first race of the season, it's a good start and hopefully an indicate of more good opportunities ahead.

This is the only picture I've seen of me at this race so far. It was taken by Cristel's friend Marci. That's me on the left with the white shoe covers!

Monday, October 15, 2012

First 10K!



Yesterday was the GO! St. Louis Halloween 10K.






I thought it would make a nice "dress rehearsal" for the 1/2 marathon next Sunday so I signed up and encouraged Big Ring to do the same. SK also signed up, which was cool because we've been running 10K's every thursday for the past month. BR had to do 10 miles, per coaches orders, so she started out the morning early to get the first 4 out of the way. Needless to say, she did NOT don a costume for this one, but SK and I did!
We managed to both be Genie's of some sort too, without intentionally coordinating.

My Genie costume was midriff exposed and I soon discovered it was not too photogenic, but ay...whatever.








Somehow we managed to find each other, including BR, within 3 minutes of the start. We all crossed the start line together and then SK was off. She has a tendency to start fast, so I knew I needed to just settle in or it'd hurt to try to keep up with her. She got such a distance ahead, I didn't think we'd see her again until the finish.

BR and I helped pace one another, however, it was pace by feel because I switched Nike+ hardware right before this run and couldn't figure out how to check our pace as needed. We relied on the mile updates and tried to adjust from there.
Since I started my iphone/Nike+ before the start and we had to talk for a couple of minutes in the sea of people just to cross the start line, our first mile pace was SLOW (11:40) but I knew it was skewed a bit. The course was also fairly hilly, including a climb up Russell in Soulard.

My Genie costume included a coin belt (ala belly dancer belt) and jingled out my rhythm the whole way. It also apparently confused, surprised and annoyed some other runners because I fielded a few comments and strange looks.

BR proved to be incredible at the bob and weave through the crowd, finding one "hole shot" after another and keeping us on pace despite the variations in the crowd. I just followed her lead and directions and we stayed with one another for nearly the entire race.

I made jokes and silly comments about most of the costumes we saw and we focused on a couple of "rabbits" up the road.... Literally. We caught the first rabbit at around 4 miles and also managed to pass Buzz Lightyear and Woody (Who were ahead of us with a nice steady pace from mile 2). I set my sights on another rabbit and helped BR fall into a groove when she started to groan from the miles (she DID have 4 more miles under her feet already!)

Just as I commented that we couldn't even see SK, BR says "There she is" - about 50 feet ahead of us! I knew with that jingly belt that I couldn't sneak up on her but BR and I put her in our sights and caught up to her. We all ran together for about 1/4 mile and as we made the turn with about 1 mile to go, a power song came on the ipod and I just went with it. I was feeling great and settled in to the music groove (Beastie Boys - Professor Booty!)
I soon pulled ahead of BR and SK and unbeknownst to me, gathered a descent margin. As the finish line came into view, I was both excited and relieved to be finishing strong, but WAIT!.....
Instead of heading straight up the block to Chestnut, we had to turn right...away from the finish and head a couple more blocks up Market! Ugh.. A HUGE headwind from the East was there to greet us too! To make matters worse, my costume was hindered by cross winds, with pieces of fabric trying to hog tie me at the knees as I ran.
That last 1/4 mile was a challenge, but I still felt strong and managed to move past several more runners approaching the finish. I  managed to catch and pass 2 more "rabbits" but Wonder Woman nipped me at the finish line (She's SUPER strong :)

I finished with a time of 1:03:13.

The GPS on my Nike+ had us at 6.33 miles. My fastest 10K time yet! I guess if I continue with this running stuff, I'd like to shave off those 3+ minutes to come in under 1 hour, but we'll see.

BR and SK finished right behind me and I learned from the results that my long-time friends Deeds and Lisa finished right in front of me! I wish I had seen them!

I was sweaty and getting stinkier by the minute. That Polyester costume DOES NOT wick sweat or stink at all! In fact, I think it intensified the stink! That limited the amount of time I wanted to hang out in that costume and the distance I wanted to sit/stand from those around me!

SK headed out first, to Queeny Park for round 2 of adventures today. BR and I headed to grab a bite to eat and discuss some strategy for next weekend.

What a great way to start the morning! I am ready for next weekend!!! Come on 1/2 Marathon!

Saturday, September 15, 2012

A Cyclist goes running....

It sounds like the start of a joke, doesn't it...
I guess it could still turn out to be one. But it's true.

Back in July, on the first of our hiking adventures in Colorado (the 7 mile one with the rabid skunks, rattle snakes and black widow spiders, not the one where I broke my finger at 14,000 feet) Br offered up a challenge in the form of "Wanna run a 1/2 marathon with me?" I'm still not sure she actually meant to invite me. I think it was the exposure, lack of water and extreme conditions talking. After all, She had stepped off the trail at one point. But "Adventure" is her middle name (Big Adventure Ring?).

I think BR knows me well enough how obsessive I am. With a simple "ok", I committed. I was in for a penny, in for a pound.

Of course I kind of forgot about it for several days. The first challenge I had to survive was the 14'er the next day. I'd only done about 4-5 total hikes prior to this in my life!
I DID survive that, at the expense of my left ring finger being forever slightly bent. The rest of our Colorado adventures were timid comparatively (except for that one night.... I didn't know Ashley had moves like Jagger... I digress).

We returned to Sea level and regular life ensued. Then it dawned on me... I had committed to something, I'd better actually investigate it further. First, I double checked with Kate... Yes, she was serious. Second, registration....WHOA! $110?? Hmmm, I started on a work around for that one...
Thirdly, I'd never run more than 5 miles. I hadn't run more than 1-2 times a month at any given point since I discovered two wheels are inherently better than two heals.
Hmmm again... That presented a challenge, but not one I wasn't up for. After all, in the last two years, my fall training plan had included some running to prep for cyclocross.

So I set out on the trusty interwebs to find a training plan. Then, after finding several million, I systematically picked one (the first one that looked easy to follow and I could print out) and proceeded to gather advise from those who've done this crazy stuff before me.

Fast forward to today, 9.15.12. Five weeks in. some how, magically, I have managed to increase my mileage from 3.1 to 5 to 7 to 9 and today........ 10 Miles!
It still feels really slow and inefficient to run. My legs just don't move in the circles I long for. The breeze just doesn't feel the same. Granted, I AM slow. I managed a 9:30 minute average mile on one 5k run, but typically I am a 10-10 1/2 minute miler.

Who'd-a-thunk it. I might actually be a runner somewhere in there. But I can promise you this.... There will be NO swimming.