Some girls are bigger than others...

Some girls' blogs are more popular than others.
Some girls have more interesting things to say and more often.
Some girls say whatever is on their minds, whenever a thought crosses it.

Clearly, I am not one of those girls.

I spend my days in a cubicle, doing work that must be done by someone. You might find it exciting; however, due to HIPPA regulations, I can't discuss that stuff with you here. Most days, I find it sad. I can tell you the themes of my work include mental illness, substance abuse, relationship problems, job loss, financial strain, hopelessness and despair.

Ok, enough of that Debbie Downer...

I just haven't seemed to cross into the mind set of viewing life in terms of what can I put into my blog.

My nights consist of workouts, too much food and not enough sleep.
I've watched the entire 5 seasons of LOST in the last three months, finishing Season 5 on Monday, and starting the new season/final season on Tuesday.

I've started to think of Kate, Jack, Hurley and Sawyer as my friends. That's scary.

The biggest drama that's crossed my path likely centers around the Frostbike T shirts. The lettering is coming off. But hey, THERE JUST T SHIRTS! no lives are at stake here.

My life is boring and thus, my blog is boring.
But I am ok with that.

I do have one exiciting story to share:

Sunday night, after watching the Superbowl, Phil and I went to bed early. We were both worried about getting a good night's sleep and took a sleep aid (Tylenol PM). We slept solidly until 4am, when we were both startled awake by the sound of screeching tires and a loud crash.
(We live at the interection of a busy, sharp turn and any time it's wet or remotely slick, there's an accident. Usually the car hits the bridge. Sometimes, the driver is drunk and drives off before police arrive. Other times, the driver is drunk and he hides from police in our yard. Once, a car actually went over the bridge into the River des peres!)
I jump up and dialed 911 before even looking to see where the car landed. It was the loudest crash we've heard in a while. While on the phone with the 911 operator, we realized that we could not see the car. Figuring that they might have driver off, but concerned for the worst, I asked the operator to send a police car out to make sure they weren't in the RdP.
Just before the police arrive, Phil and I notice a small light shining from the parking lot of a business next door. Our house sits on a hill overlooking this business. We can't tell if the light is a reflection from somewhere else.
As soon as the police pull in and shine the spot light, we see that this was the car that made that loud impact.
The car looks like it's parked up against the building; however, we know there are concrete stairs in the location where the car's front end appears to be. We can see the driver's side door is open.
From the police officer's behavior, it appears that this driver may too have gotten out to flee the scene. He shined his light in the car,then around the area and walked away to talk to another officer. After several minutes, a fire truck, ambulance and fire chief arrived. It became apparent that there was indeed someone in the car, when the EMT's approached. The weird thing was their complete lack of sense of urgency. Phil commented that this may not actually bode well for the person. They did not appear to be treating him/her. After a few more minutes, they moved a person from the car onto a stretcher and put him/her into the ambulance and then sat there...

I watched as the fire truck left. A couple more police cars left (there were four total), the fire chief left. A tow truck came and took the vehicle away. The last police car drove away.
All the while, the ambulance sat in the parking lot.
After nearly 45 minutes, the ambulance finally left. They turned off their emergency lights before leave. I fell back asleep at 4:45 with a sick feeling in my stomach, sure that the person was DOA and being carted off to the morge.

15 minutes later, my co worker called me to say she was sick and ask me to go into work early to cover for her. I got up, showered and headed to work with a heavy heart. I drove extra carefully on the snowy slick roads.

At work, I kept checking the news sites, expecting to hear a report about this fatal accident. After a few hours, I decided to call the police station, on the off chance that they could tell me something.
When the officer answered, I really didn't expect to get any info. I was surprized and happy to hear that the person was taken to the hospital with NON-life threatening injuries. The officer also aknowledged how many accidents are at this corner and added that I was the third person to inquire about this crash.

I continued through my day, feeling releaved but also especially thankful for the safety and well being of those I love.
Please drive safely! (especially when you drive by my house!)

Holiday Blahs

I jumped into 2010 training with both wheels and didn't look back...until now.
I've been training 6 days a week for almost 14 weeks. I only took time off for our trip to NYC and ended up walking miles and miles and miles. I was cruising through the sweat, the pain, the spinning and stomping and sprinting and lifting and sweating and sweating...
I could feel it creaping up on me last week but I think the excitement of Christmas kept the forward momentum. Then BAM!, I feel like I am down for the count.

So, I took another day off. The first week with TWO days off in a long, long time. On Sunday I was scheduled to do 2:30 but weasled it down to 2, then 1:30 then 1, then "oops, it's too late to do anything today!"
In ten minutes I hope to leave work and get back on the horse,in the form of a spin bike at the gym. We'll see how that goes. I hope my car will just find it's way there on auto pilot. I packed my gym bag that way. (I wonder what I'll be wearing?!)

I have no motivation. I want to eat junk, in sweat pants, in front of the TV. I don't even really have motivation to watch the TV. Just sit in front of it and eat. My mind has been helping the self sabotage by questioning "why?"
Usually, my self-talk answer would be "Why not?"- it is the title of my blog, after all. Now, it's a Whiny response that really makes no sense. But I can tell that my mental picture is all wrong. I don't see myself as getting stronger, faster, leaner, etc. I see more sweat pants and junk. I see myself off the back, ALOT. OTB at races AND group rides. why bother?

Ugh.

I know it's a phase. I know I'll find motivation again. But for now... what have you go to eat? and hand me those sweat pants!

Happy new year!

Half Cat, Double Latte..

With 2010 just around the corner, I decided to submit my request to Cat up from a 4 to a 3. I wasn't sure how long the process would take. I have to say, I was a little intimiated by the requirement for a "race resume" on the USACycling site. Hmmm...

Objective: To participate in St Louis area Cat 1,2,3 races where I promptly get my ass handed to me with the word "go".

I went ahead with it, basically pasting my race results and a summary and clicked Cat 3 for Road. I also (somehow) justified Cat 3 for Track, not that it matters. Click submit and wait...
Little did I know that somewhere in U. City, Mike Weiss was sent my request, which he promptly approved, in less than 24 hours! Or so I thought....

It turns out, upon closer inspection, that I am now a Cat 3 Track Racer, with a pending approval for my Cat 3 Road request. I'm in the middle. I guess I should embrace it. Once I start racing as a 3, I'll be nothing but off the back!

I know Mike will get to it. I'm in no hurry and only need approval sometime before 12/31/09, so I don't have to pay for a Cat 4 license and a Cat 3 license. Still, I want to celebrate a FULL category upgrade before I actually have to put the license to good use.

Speaking of use... I registered for the Hwy 64 time trial on 12/6. Did you? No? Well, you'd better do it soon. Only 300 spots and they are sure to fill up soon.
Last year, for the other 1/2 of the hwy, there were all sorts of riders/racers. I saw ladies with christmas lights, Santa, a guy in blue jeans, and the blur of some seriously fast guys as they passed me by.
Oh, and I registered as a 3....Oops! Make that Half Cat >^..^<

Why don't you write?

I've been hit by the lazy blogger disease again. This time it kept me away for 2 1/2 months. It's not that I haven't had exciting things to report, or I haven't done anything interesting.... I just didn't care to tell you (ie no one) about it.

I guess I have some blog envy. My friends post updates and they get read and responded to immediately! I, on the otherhand, am lucky to get one response. I don't even think my mother reads this any more.

But then I realize that I don't do this for the attention. I do it for the process of writing, journaling, capturing a thought, mood, feeling, event, etc.

The theme of today, or rather the last few days, in inadequacy.
I have not been feeling like I am living up to my potential. I have been short tempered, judgemental and self conscious. While I am sure these are feelings we all go through from time to time, it makes me dislike
me none-the-less.

My goal for the next two weeks is to "Buck Up Buttercup" and start smiling more. I really have no good reason to be such a sour puss.
Here's to happiness...

(On a cycling related note, I had a GREAT Ride with Todd, Kube, Judy, Chris & The rest of the Hub crew last night! I can't wait till next week and may even dust off the Filmore for a single minded kind of ride!)