writing the resolution

Thanks to a suggestion from Jessi, I bought the book Writing Down the Bones (Natalie Goldberg). Since 12/23, I've been writing more and practicing something from each of the chapter's I've read. Since my New Year's Resolution of sorts has been to write more and blog more, I've decided to post more of these writing exercises here.
To the 5 or 6 people who read this, I am sorry. This is primarily an exercise for myself, in a public forum to keep me honest.
I do welcome your feedback, comments, constructive criticism. If you have something mean to say, please keep it to yourself. (There are other blogs where you can freely post your meanness, or on Facebook!)

Here's what I wrote on 12/28/10. Keep in mind, I am a hormonal mess right now. So, I am not entirely responsible for the mess that spills from my mind to the pen and page. (or keyboard and screen).


I'm actually riding the trainer now. Sitting on it as I write. Thoughts turn over as legs turn over. I didn't want to do either today. Didn't want to do anything. Numb.
I'm not happy. There's a discontent in my head and heart. A sense of hopelessness.
Tomorrow will not bring what I long for. But I have no proof of that and I lumber on. Making useless, senseless circles. Joyless circles.
Going through the motions. I hope one of these processes will bring me somewhere. Riding, writing.
Somewhere, deep within me, a steadiness brings joy. I longed for the unknown and freeform that is the holidays but now It's the let down
So I move through what I should to toward what is known. Toward muscle memory for body and soul.